puppy love.

a sweet love.

the one that gives you butterflies.

when you dont know what despair is.

because you're too young to know.

too idealistic.

those times when you didnt want to sleep...didnt want the day to end.

when you were just a child

and you see the world through rose-tinted eyes

i didnt want those days to end.

----

1st book : a smille.

i was barely 9 years old when i realized i felt different when i am with him.

he was always there that i couldn't even remember a part of my life that i didn't know him.

i wouldn't exactly calll us playmates. nor partners in crime. nor even friends.  he was....just there.

and, really, i can't remember how i started feeling this way for him.  it was as if i was born feeling like this.  i was born feeling that we belonged together.  funny thing is, i also can't remember a friendly conversation between us.  it has always been stilted, kind of awkward...i wanted to say all the right things, wanted to make so much of a good impression. 

everytime i think back on my childhood, it is always his face i see.  his smile.

oh how i loved his smile!  i would have given everything i have if he smiled just for me. 

i used to dream of us...wishful thinking that we would be together.

i used to practice saying your name in front of the mirror.

me smiling back at you.

a child's innocent fantasy.

...

but you never did notice did you?

i couldnt tell.

you were so busy with your own world.

but you were my sun.

looking back, i think i lived my childhood years thinking of you...thinking of ways to get you to notice me.

you were that one boy i wanted for myself.

i wanted you to smile just for me.

a child's foolish fantasy.

...

one day...we were playing.  and i remember you loooking at me differently.

i was so happy.  and i remember that day clearly.  we were playing hide and seek i think.

i was sneaking out just to have some time with you cuz i wasnt allowed to go to the area where we played.

i didnt mind. i didnt care. i was with you.  we were laughing together.

but then.

she came.

what you saw in her i would never know.

i wanted to ask.

but you didnt know how i feel and i didnt want you to find out.

i was afraid that if you found out, you'd not want to see me again.

and i wouldnt see you smile at me.

so i pretended everything was ok.

pretended not to care. 

she was three years older than us.  but i thought she was already a woman of the world!

how naive i was!

i hated her for the attention you were giving her.

i wanted to hate you too.

but then...

you were always smiling.

even if it's not at me.

i was still partly happy.

you were happy with her.

and all i wanted was to see you smile.

a child's innocent wish.

my fantasy.

---to be continued---

I just posted this Job Kernl widget for 500 credits. You can earn free credits too!

a new photo =  new perspective?

not rly.

just keeping it real.